Saturday, September 29, 2012

120. my new eye candy..

after so many emotional post
of my frustration and disappointment
it's time for a happy post ;)
things haven't been doing so great lately..
i'm frustrated most of the time cause of people's stupidity 
i'm angry most of the time cause i feel helpless..

but yesterday was just a great day..
i got to see my eye candy..;)
i got to hear my once favourite song..
i got to hear the good voice..
i got to enjoy the moment..

as much as i love the voice and song..
i never really expected that..
it came as a surprise..
but i love it;)

but i just find it so ironic..
that the person i was looking for all these while
is the person i say hello to everyday
is the person i come across everyday
is the person i wished good luck to
before the performance..


**********

today was another good treat..
went for dim sum buffet with lovely people
a break well deserved for everyone

we sat there for 2 hours filling up our stomachs..
talking and laughing 
in a grand hotel
like we own that place..;p

great weekend..
a time where it is stress-free
filled with great company
and good food
and great memories;)



my mood now:
i am still smiling listening to my eye candy's song..
if only this song could work its magic everytime ..
especially in stressful moments.. ;P



Wednesday, September 26, 2012

119. three years ago...it was good then..

the date 26 Sept 2009
has a very significant meaning to my life..
3 years ago,
this was the day i left home 
and was on my way 
to a foreign land 
which i have grown to love so much..

3 years ago,
i was so excited and yet sad to be leaving home..
now..
3 years has passed..
and i'm missing every moment of it..
i miss being on the plane
on a long-haul flight..

how i wish i can be on the plane now..
to take me 
away from this place..
away from all the stress..
away from all the craziness..
away from all the unhappy things..

it was so much better then..
no crazy lecturers breathing down my neck..
no possessive lecturers forcing me to do anything..
life was so peaceful there..
and relaxing..
it was much more civilised there... 
and they actually put human rights into practise..

thank God i made full use of my time there..
otherwise i would have regretted even more..
looking back now,
i could smile at the memories i have created there..
sweet and lovely time there..
one day..
i will be back again to relive my memories..

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

118. there!! i hope you read this!!!

it's been 2 months plus 
since i started my final year here in Kelantan..
and throughout the whole time 
all i can think of that is positive 
is that i am nearer to my family 
where i can run back to anytime..

this place itself is not that bad..
assignments though stressful is still very bearable,
food even though limited is still bearable,
curfew and stupid rules is still tolerable,
but why of all the people 
it's you making my life a hell here..

disappointment is an understatement
i've lost all respect for you in every way..
this final year should be a time of sweet memories..
but why do you make me hate you more everyday..??
you might think that we will thank you
but in actual fact you're pushing us to the edge 
and all we feel like doing now is to curse you 
and to jump off the edge just to get away from you..

why of all the days in the world 
do you have to choose that very day
that all of us are looking forward to?
why do you have to take away the only time 
we can have fun and to meet the others before they graduate??

why do you have to be such a female dog!!??
don't go behind our backs making decision for us..
we are no longer the kids we were..
and we won't thank you for that..
don't we have the rights to say no to things??
we are not your slaves for goodness sake!!

it's such an irony that you're teaching us about professionalism..
and about reflective teaching..
do you even reflect??
is this even professional??
dear God..please help this woman realise what she is doing!!


Thursday, September 6, 2012

117. You will make a way..

oh Lord..
help me through this time of need..
help me see these IMPOSSIBLES as 
better possibilities..

with 5 different assignments 
to hand in in 5 consecutive weeks..
in addition to time-wasting activities
organised by the forever-late-coming people..

oh Lord,
help me guard against 
self-pity
depression
frustration and 
anger..

for with You, all things are possible!!
You will make a way 
even when there seems to be no way..


Monday, September 3, 2012

116. ignorance vs stupidity?

i thought you were different..
i thought you were understanding and considerate..
but oh my..
what a shock i had today..!!

you are not just ignorant but stupid to the core..
believing that only you are right 
just because you are 'educated' in that sense..
if there are more people like you around,
no doubt that another May 13 could happen..

is it right for you to criticise people's faith and belief?
telling people that their holy book is altered according to our wants..
that people's faith is not as divine as yours?

i bet if this happen to you,
when people criticise your faith in your face
there would be a havoc..!!
it could also be the news headline for tomorrow's paper..

it is just so sad to see such people..
it's the 21st century for goodness sake!!
why are you still living in the well??!!
ignorant to the core of other people around you!!

you might be more knowledgeable
but that does not mean you could criticise people 
for their own choice..
is it wrong if one choose to be a vegetarian?
it is their body and mouth..
don't they have a say on what they want to do??
do i need you to tell me that i HAVE to eat what i do not want??

though i'm angry and frustrated with you..
i chose not to say anything..
cause i chose not to stoop as low as you..
i don't want to degrade myself to your level of stupidity and ignorance..
my faith and belief is not for you to judge..
it is between my God and me..
who are you to decide that my God is not the Most High??

Saturday, September 1, 2012

115. a teacher (to be)

it feels so good 
to be in the house of the Lord..
so much of love, encouragement and joy..
they are what i need all these while..

the work of the darkness is in progress..
all the time..
and it took this seminar to wake me up..again...
to realise how i've forgotten His promises..

******

the message today..
teacher plays a very significant part in a student's life..
the testimony of how
a teacher who imparts love
impacted the life of a naughty boy
who is now a pastor..

wouldn't it be the greatest award and achievement 
when you know that as a teacher
you have touched the life of someone..
someone who might have been regarded by others as
stupid, hopeless, rubbish..?

******

this is my calling for now..
as a future teacher..
things might change in the future..
who knows what is prepared for me..

even though things are not easy now..
but i'm sure there's reasons 
as to why i was even sent here..
a place i've never thought i would be in..

in a year,
i would have graduated..
and be an official teacher in schools..

but somehow
 i still don't quite see myself as one..
i'm not prepared..
i have so many doubts in me..
how am i going to handle my class and students??
where will i be posted??
in rural areas far from home??
or in the comfort zone near my hometown??

it's kind of scary..
going to school for real soon
with so many doubts in me..
and all i can do is to trust the One..
for He knows what is best for me
for He has planned every detail of my life 
even when i was still in the womb..
but
trusting and committing everything is
much easier said than done though..

sorry Lord for i doubt too much..
that i try to take things into my own control..
and forgetting that You are the one who is in control 
of EVERYTHING!!
please help me deal with these doubts, O Lord..