143. the city of Jericho (Joshua 6)

today i went to First AOG in KB with two new friends and Pastor Alan was the speaker..his message today was encouraging..he was sharing about how God asked Joshua and his men to march around the city of Jericho once for six days and on the seventh day they had to march around the city for seven times (Joshua 6)

God didn't need seven days to bring down Jericho..He could have easily done that in less than seven seconds..but the people needed the time to learn to have more faith and to trust His timing..

similarly,

we always pray for what we want and most of the time we expect instant results..when our prayers are left unanswered, we tend to think "God, why have you forsaken us?".. the truth is, how could He forsake us when He had planned such amazing things every second of our lives? He didn't answer our prayers the first time we prayed because He wanted us to wait for His timing and to have a little more faith in Him..

Have we ever stop to think that God does not need seven days:

to make us rich..

to find us a good church..

to find us the right spouse..

to find us a good work place..

to bless us with joy..

to bless us with peace..

to bless us with mercy..

to bless us with grace..

He could have done that all in less than a second..

but yet why do we wait and wait..

we always thank God when our prayers are answered..but have you ever said "thank God, You didn't answer my prayer the first time".. sometimes what we wanted there and then is not always the best..God planned something much much better than our best and He is ready to give them to us when the time is right..but if we insist on getting what we think is the best, we might regret it later..

so i guess i have to learn to be more patient and to wait for His timing and His best rather than assuming what is best for me..


on a random note, today is post number 143 which also means "i love you".. and well, just want to say "i love you" to the one who knew me by my name even before i was formed in the womb..

142. random fangirling

this is real random..

i decided to watch Step Up 3 again

and..

and...

and...

i melted!!! AGAIN!!

cause of this hot guy!!

ARGH!!!

how can he be so hot and cute at the same time!!??

*fangirl mode*

141. 20 random facts about me

i've seen many people posting about 20 random facts about themselves..so i've decided to try it myself..

it took me awhile to think of these 20 random facts..so here it is..

#1
my favourite food is sushi. i could eat it everyday and still not get bored of it. my close friends and family would probably know this very well. it could be in the middle of the night and i would suddenly crave for it.

#2
i have always dreamt of going to a secluded place in any of the Scandinavian countries to see the Northern Lights. it is probably the most beautiful creation i've ever known. probably it would be the most romantic place to go for my honeymoon too (oopss..kinda too early to be thinking of that now)

#3
as a child, i followed my auntie to church and i have always envied kids attending church with their family. it felt so loving to see a family of God going to church weekly. i never had such childhood but thank God, in His perfect timing, i finally get to attend church as a family. though i'm no longer a child, i am still grateful to be able to experience this. hopefully i can provide such childhood to my kids..(oh my..overthinking again..)

#4
i'm not sure when i started to love the stars, moon and the galaxy but i have developed such an interest that i have actually applied to take up my degree in astronomy. it just seemed interesting and i'm amazed with God's special creation. but that didn't work out and i ended up taking a degree for teaching.

#5
obviously teaching wasn't my first choice though i have been playing the role of a teacher since i was a kid. since young, i would play with my brother and cousin by acting out the scene of a classroom. i would always be the teacher and they would be my students. i never would have thought that this would be my future path. i have doubted my ability to be a teacher cause it's really energy draining and requires a lot of patience. but i have learnt to love what i'm doing simply because it is very rewarding. only a teacher understands the ups and downs of this job.

#6
i can't draw but i admire artwork. i have spent hours in art galleries just walking by each art piece and admiring their work.i have no favourite one in particular but i could imagine the time and hard work invested in each drawing.

#7
i love rainbows. it reminds me of God's faithful promises. double rainbow is rare but i have come across them many times.i could just stare at it for a long time. sadly, i don't have the time to slow down now and to admire the beauty of it for too long.

#8
i love tulips more than roses. i just find it rather special. probably because roses are just too mainstream. well, tulips is a flower that symbolises perfect love ;)

#9
i admire people who can play instruments. any instrument. they somehow capture my heart ;p

#10
i have a soft spot for people with baby face. they somehow attracts me. adorable people blessed with young looks!

#11
i have a super grandma! she is the perfect example of a housewife. she can cook, sew, bake and the list goes on.....you name it she can do it. even if she can't do it, she will learn till she's good at it. she can sew so well that i have never bought any school uniform throughout my 11 years of schooling life. my uniform has always been made according to my measurement. yes! i'm that blessed. even now that i'm teaching, all my 'baju kurung' and 'kebaya' is made. since young, my grandma would sew new clothes for us, the grandchildren, for Chinese New Year. my cousin and i would design what we want and she will sew it for us. i am still keeping some of the clothes she made for me when i was much younger.

#12
i love everything about Plymouth. i miss the heavy rain, the strong wind, the cold weather, the gloomy weather, the sight of the sun, the buses, the grass, the snow, the autumn leaves......it was one of the best chapter of my life. if i am given a chance, i would like to return for a visit. things might be different with all the new faces of lecturers and students in the university, but i still want to go back to revisit this lovely memory of mine.

#13
my first trip oversea was with my family at the age of 16. we went to Beijing and visited the palaces and i got to experience the food and culture of the place. ever since then, i loved travelling. studying in England provided me the chance to explore Europe and Scandinavian countries and to experience the rich culture there. by far, my favourite countries are Spain, Italy and Turkey. these are probably my top 3 countries for now that i would love to revisit if i ever have the chance.

#14
i can deal with cockroaches, insects and all but i just can't stand the sight of those slimy,boneless and legless creature. i find them very disgusting. i get goose pimples even when someone talks about them. YUCKS!!

#15
i never knew how to appreciate classic novels. i find them boring as most of the time i have a tough time understanding what they are talking about. but i took up a few modules of literature in university and i had a chance to learn and understand the stories behind the chosen classics and i fell in love with them. one of my best is Pride and Prejudice. i fell in love with Mr. Darcy!! he's so charming and caring even though he appeared arrogant and cold. awwww....my heart melts....;)

#16
punctuality is very important to me. i hate waiting for people as well as keeping people waiting. to me, time and tide wait for no man. must have got these genetically from my grandpa and dad..they are both very punctual people. even when i know an event is starting late and i try to dilly dally so that i won't reach too early, i will somehow still be among the earliest!! what do i have to do to be late?? this can be frustrating at times..

#17
i think i got this trait from my dad. i tend to keep things that has sentimental value to me. a friend drew a poster of a cat for me 7 years ago and it is still in very good condition. another gave me a box of chocolate for my birthday 10 years ago and the box is still there. but the pile is getting bigger and bigger and i'm forced to get rid of some of the things that has become less important to me.

#18
i adore people who plays sports especially basketball.. cause they are simply cool!! heheh.. i might be biased in some ways but i just find basketballer cool. probably cause they are tall..

#19
i'm from a Convent school and coming from an all girl school, i can count my close guy friends with both of my hands and might still have extra fingers. but thankfully, going to university and all added a few more to the small pile. needless to say i added my new girlfriends to my already huge pile of girlies. i'm thankful for each and every one of my friends who has entered my life one way or another. you have been a great blessing without you knowing.

#20
i'm blessed to have a very loving family who shows support and love in many ways. though sometimes i get frustrated when things don't go my way, i know for sure that they are the ones who will love me unconditionally and will be willing to give up anything just for me. i might not say this often, but i sure do love them to bits!!


* wow this took much longer than i expected..almost gave up halfway through..
** if anyone reading this is interested to try writing 20 random facts about yourself, do try.. ;)

140. Que Sera Sera

and so..

with these quotes in mind,

i did try..

i took the first step of faith,

putting Him first in my decision..

Que Sera Sera..

139. Sepet

happen to come across a dialogue from one of my favourite movie..

"Sepet" directed by Yasmin Ahmad

Jason: Orked, how long do you think it takes to fall in love?

Orked: A minute. How long did it take for you to fall in love with me?

Jason: Much less than that.

*awww...my heart melts cause it's too cheesy..*

is there really such a thing as love at first sight?

Probably..

138. perks of being a teacher #1

so far, i've been teaching in this school for 4 and a half months. i have learnt the culture of the school, the names of the teachers, the names of the students, the famous classes and the notorious classes. as a student teacher, i have my own sets of expectations and beliefs. now that i am in a real situation of teaching life, my expectations have shrunk and beliefs changed. i'm not sure if the changes have been good or bad.

teaching life is definitely a roller-coaster ride. in a single lesson of a 40 minute period, students can drive you up the wall and the very next second, they can be really sweet and pleasant. before you know it, you feel like banging your head on the whiteboard again. now i understand why teachers tend to have high blood pressure and high stress level ;p

but being a teacher has taught me to be more forgiving and patient. no doubt that i have lose my patience many times, but each time i forgive them the moment my lesson ended. there is really no point in holding any grudges against the students. for one, they are not even aware that you are still angry at them. secondly, students have their ups and downs just like any human. it would be very unfair to be angry at them the next day just because they were disruptive the previous day. thirdly, i would go insane in no time if i am angry at each student who caused any problem.

teaching kampung students can be difficult yet memorable. these kids have higher energy level than any other teenagers their age. their favourite pastime is to go in the jungle to catch birds or to pick 'ulam'. they have such active lifestyle that it is rather difficult to have them sit quietly in the class and to stay focus in the lesson. as difficult as it can be, there are also the joy and sweetness in teaching them.

JOY 1:
i was teaching 2U (the last class and is very 'well known' for being the noisiest and most difficult to control class and has very low results academically) Maths on the topic of 'Pembinaan Geometri'. i showed them the steps on the board, one step at a time, and made sure that i said it slowly and repeated the steps many times. after i finished drawing the triangle, one of the students put up her hand and asked me how to draw the first step. i thought she was the only one. i went around the class checking only to find out that out of the 24 students, only 2 had done what i showed on the board. it tested my patience and i doubted myself if i could even help them understand Maths. i felt like a failure but i tried to explain it to them again. after explaining to them for 40 minutes, they were able to draw the triangle. i gave them 3 similar questions and they stared at me again asking me how to do them. i felt like banging my head then and can't help but wondered what had i been doing for the past 40 minutes?? have i not been teaching you?? have i been talking to the walls and chairs in the class?? didn't you just drew a triangle similar to the questions??

i breathed in and out to calm myself and decided to start again. things are very repetitive in this class as they are very forgetful. well, this scenario happens a lot in this class, not just this once. i explained to them in a smaller group and showed them that the questions are very similar to the practice they did minutes ago. i went around the class and explained to different groups and asked them to carry on with the questions. when i came to this boy, K, he told me that he finished all the questions and even did extras from the textbook. i was amazed and i checked his answers. FUIYOH!!!! all correct!! how can i not be proud of him!! it felt like all the time i spent explaining just now was not wasted..that i did something right and i wasn't speaking in a foreign language and someone DID understand me ;) well, this boy didn't know he made my day..but i was so proud of him!!

JOY 2:
i was teaching my form 3 class English and this boy, H, from the next class came in to my class with a few of his friends. they asked if they can join my class as they have another teacher relieving their class. i was not sure i could handle so many students as i already have 33 students but i made a deal with them anyway that they could stay in my class only if they do my work, anyone of them who disrupt my class would be kicked out. they agreed to it. the activity of the day was to make a mother's day card using the language input from previous lesson. the students in my class took their sweet time doing it but they were on task. H wrote a few lines and showed me to check if he was doing the right thing. i read what he wrote and thought that it was rather chessy to be writing it to his mother but i said nothing about it. i told him that he was doing the right thing and he could carry on with it. he was the first to finish it and handed it to me. i was surprised and praised him for the good work. i asked if he wanted to take it home to give it to his mother or he wanted me to keep it and he asked me to keep it. i persuaded him to show it to his mother and he told me that his mother is not around. i was curious and wanted to know what he meant by that. students here tend to lie or create stories, so i learnt not to trust them too easily. he told me that he does not have a mother and i realised that the message he wrote on the card was not cheesy at all. he really meant what he wrote. H caught my attention immediately. most of the time, students would ask if they could make a card for someone else if they are not comfortable with the task given. but this boy was special. he did the task without any hesitation and did it very well indeed. i felt sorry for him yet i was proud of him. i know his mother would be even prouder if she was still around. H made me realised i would never know what every student is going through in their lives. i would never have known he lost his mother if he did not join my class and did the task.

Dear H, be proud of yourself and do know that your mother will share your happiness.


JOY 3:
i'm the class teacher of the last class of form 5. i personally adore this group of kids. somehow there's this special attachment with them being their class teacher. i am more protective over them and always made sure that they were given a fair chance and opportunity in things. even though some of them drive me up the wall, most of them can be really sweet.

this particular boy, A, once threw a cockroach at me. thank God it was only a cockroach and not anything else. i guessed he wanted to scare me and intended to throw it near me. but he didn't expect me to move and it hit me on my tummy and dropped on the floor. he was shocked! i was shocked beyond words but i acted cool and ignored him. he knew i was angry and expected to be scolded. instead i glared at him and walked off to help another student with her work. it was a good thing that the lesson ended not long after that. A followed me around the class apologising. i wasn't angry but i wanted to teach him a lesson. i walked back to my staff room and he tagged along asking if i was angry with him and he kept apologising. i knew he was sincere and in the end i told him he was forgiven and asked him to go back to the class. after that incident he was very good in class. he did my work and asked questions. i eventually got to know him better.

last week we had our school Hari Raya celebration. i was the 'ah long' asking students to pay RM 2 every time i see them. they gave all sorts of reasons not to pay but eventually i managed to get them to pay. i asked the students to bring along any cookies or cakes for the celebration if they have any. A asked me what i wanted. i asked if he had any durian kunyit and that i would buy from him if he has any. i heard it is very delicious, even better than musang king. he said he would try to find for me. i told him he didn't have to make an effort, sell to me only if he got them. he came to school the next day looking unwell. he came to me and told me that he found the durians for me. aww.. God bless his kind heart.. i asked why was he unwell, he looked alright the previous day. he told me that while he waited for the durians yesterday, it rained and he caught a flu. argh!! the guilt of making my student ill.. who would have thought that this boy who threw a cockroach at me can be this sweet to wait in the rain for the durians to drop just because his teacher wanted to try them...yes i still feel guilty but he was well again after one day!! guilt gone!! heheh..

JOY 4:
this boy, Z, is also in my form 5 class. he's the class monitor. very responsible and kind. while i was having a difficult time collecting RM 2 from my students, Z gave me the money almost immediately. he even gave me extra RM1 and said that it was his extra contribution to the class. i didn't want to accept it at first because i know that my students are not really well off and i am aware of his family background. but he was very sincere and insisted on giving extra. i thanked him on behalf of the class. though RM 1 is nothing to many of us, it definitely meant a lot for the students. Z has been absent from school quite a lot recently and i later found out that he was home taking care of his grandma who is not well. how not to give special attention to such good boy??

so on the day of Raya celebration in school, my students came dressed in their new clothes looking handsome and pretty. students were given packed food while the teachers had their own buffet-style meal. all the teachers ate in the hall. i quietly took my food and went to eat with my students in the canteen. it's not always that i get to hang out with my students and just talk to them and to get to know them. i made the right choice and i enjoyed myself. it was difficult to eat while you're crowded by students who asked all sorts of questions. but i managed to finish my small portion of food after a long time. i sponsored drinks for my class and wanted to buy ice for them from the canteen but the canteen was out of it. Z volunteered to buy and asked permission to go out to buy. i was reluctant to allow him out but he insisted. in the end i told him to 'pandai pandai la' and be very careful. he came back in one piece and a packet of ice. thank God. so kind of him to go out with the real intention of buying ice. other students might have taken this opportunity to go out and vanish from school after that. this student can definitely be trusted and i could see that his friends do adore and respect him. this boy is not aware that his kindness and sincerity has been a blessing to his teacher and had in many ways made teaching life be more memorable and fun for her.






these scenarios are just a few very memorable ones for now..these kids left a very significant memory during my first few months of teaching.. May God bless this kinds souls who helped me realise that despite the frustration and disappointments in teaching, there's also the joy and love that shines from the whole experience.

in times of frustrations and doubts, i hope my fellow friends can take time to find such moments and to know that it is all worth it. even if only one student understood you..it is still worth it.. may you be blessed..

137. my very own angel..

the holiday season is coming to an end..

after weeks of good food,

good company,

good times and 

good memories..

the laughs,

the hugs,

the jokes,

the random talks,

the serious talks,

the nights spent talking.. 

and the calories added on...

you will never know how much your presence here means to me..

every time i think of you, i thank God for sending me a special angel..

may God bless you abundantly in every ways possible..

i pray for your happiness and joy..

and may He grant you peace, hope and love..

and dear you, 

do know that i will be happy for you 

whenever you are happy..

136. my working life..

i have always dreamt of living in a place near a beach..

where i can go to when i am too stressed out..

i have always dreamt of staying in a house with my friends..

where we can hang out in a living room..

i have always dreamt of being in a place where food is plentiful with choices..

where i can enjoy the different flavours..

i have always dreamt of eating in hygienic places..

where i would't have to worry about getting diarrhea..

  

i have always dreamt of being in a place where i can hang out till late at night..

just to have a late night drink and to hang out..

BUT

here i am..

in this place

 surrounded by trees and jungle..

surrounded by wooden houses..

with small stalls selling limited choices of food by the road side..

with questionable clean food..

with no shops open after 9 pm..

BUT

God is good..

He saw me through every difficulties..

He gave me peace despite the storm..

He gave me strength when i was weak..

He gave me wisdom when i was clueless..

He gave me patience when i am about to blow up..

He gave me joy when i was upset..

He gave me good health despite the unhygienic food..

He gave me silence when everyone was busy gossiping..

He was with me in every step i took since i started this new phase of my life..

THANK YOU, YOU!!

135. i have split personality?

isn't it weird that we (maybe it's just me) tend to react differently

in two very similar situations but with different people?

each called to say that they will be there,

the conversation going on in my head with A:

-oh no!! oh no!! why?? really??

the conversation going on in my head with B:

-finally you'll be here!! can't wait to see you!!

hanging out in places,

with A:

-let's just have a very quick visit..hopefully it's not going to be awkward..

with B:

-if only you can stay longer and enjoy this place with me..there's more i want to show you..

134. enjoy the wait

A week ago, as one of my juniors was sharing her testimony in a prayer meeting, it felt like she was telling my story. Everything that she shared was so closely related to what I have been going through in 8 months. All the waiting and the uncertainties of being jobless, all the unanswered questions, doubts and disappointment. It can be very depressing but why torture oneself with all these burdens, right?

 I am a strong believer that God has His own timing in everything. Well, if he can ensure that the birds in the sky are well fed even in winter and the flowers beautifully clothed, how much more will He not look over me in terms of my financial needs and job. So, why worry? 

Often, I've heard people who are working complained about how busy they are and wished that they can have a break from work, to take leave and have a day off. Some teachers can't wait for the school holidays so that they can relax and go for a holiday trip. Me on the other hand have plenty of time to spare and relax. I'm not bragging in any way but I just figured out why bother worrying about getting a job now that He has blessed me with the time to rest. Perhaps, this is the time to grow spiritually, to develop a stronger bond with my family, to prepare myself mentally (and maybe to be physically fit) for my future posting to wherever it may be. Resting is only temporary but I can imagine myself working for at least the next 20 years..So, why worry? Rest more before going into the battlefield which in my case will be a battle with my future students and school managements.