120. my new eye candy..

after so many emotional post

of my frustration and disappointment

it's time for a happy post ;)

things haven't been doing so great lately..

i'm frustrated most of the time cause of people's stupidity 

i'm angry most of the time cause i feel helpless..

but yesterday was just a great day..

i got to see my eye candy..;)

i got to hear my once favourite song..

i got to hear the good voice..

i got to enjoy the moment..

as much as i love the voice and song..
i never really expected that..
it came as a surprise..
but i love it;)

but i just find it so ironic..

that the person i was looking for all these while

is the person i say hello to everyday

is the person i come across everyday

is the person i wished good luck to

before the performance..

**********

today was another good treat..

went for dim sum buffet with lovely people

a break well deserved for everyone

we sat there for 2 hours filling up our stomachs..

talking and laughing 

in a grand hotel

like we own that place..;p

great weekend..

a time where it is stress-free

filled with great company

and good food

and great memories;)

my mood now:

i am still smiling listening to my eye candy's song..

if only this song could work its magic everytime ..

especially in stressful moments.. ;P

119. three years ago...it was good then..

the date 26 Sept 2009

has a very significant meaning to my life..

3 years ago,

this was the day i left home 

and was on my way 

to a foreign land 

which i have grown to love so much..

3 years ago,

i was so excited and yet sad to be leaving home..

now..

3 years has passed..

and i'm missing every moment of it..

i miss being on the plane

on a long-haul flight..

how i wish i can be on the plane now..

to take me 

away from this place..

away from all the stress..

away from all the craziness..

away from all the unhappy things..

it was so much better then..

no crazy lecturers breathing down my neck..

no possessive lecturers forcing me to do anything..

life was so peaceful there..

and relaxing..

it was much more civilised there... 

and they actually put human rights into practise..

thank God i made full use of my time there..

otherwise i would have regretted even more..

looking back now,

i could smile at the memories i have created there..

sweet and lovely time there..

one day..

i will be back again to relive my memories..

118. there!! i hope you read this!!!

it's been 2 months plus 

since i started my final year here in Kelantan..

and throughout the whole time 

all i can think of that is positive 

is that i am nearer to my family 

where i can run back to anytime..

this place itself is not that bad..

assignments though stressful is still very bearable,

food even though limited is still bearable,

curfew and stupid rules is still tolerable,

but why of all the people 

it's you making my life a hell here..

disappointment is an understatement

i've lost all respect for you in every way..

this final year should be a time of sweet memories..

but why do you make me hate you more everyday..??

you might think that we will thank you

but in actual fact you're pushing us to the edge 

and all we feel like doing now is to curse you 

and to jump off the edge just to get away from you..

why of all the days in the world 

do you have to choose that very day

that all of us are looking forward to?

why do you have to take away the only time 

we can have fun and to meet the others before they graduate??

why do you have to be such a female dog!!??

don't go behind our backs making decision for us..

we are no longer the kids we were..

and we won't thank you for that..

don't we have the rights to say no to things??

we are not your slaves for goodness sake!!

it's such an irony that you're teaching us about professionalism..

and about reflective teaching..

do you even reflect??

is this even professional??

dear God..please help this woman realise what she is doing!!

117. You will make a way..

oh Lord..

help me through this time of need..

help me see these IMPOSSIBLES as 

better possibilities..

with 5 different assignments 

to hand in in 5 consecutive weeks..

in addition to time-wasting activities

organised by the forever-late-coming people..

oh Lord,

help me guard against 

self-pity

depression

frustration and 

anger..

for with You, all things are possible!!

You will make a way 

even when there seems to be no way..

116. ignorance vs stupidity?

i thought you were different..

i thought you were understanding and considerate..

but oh my..

what a shock i had today..!!

you are not just ignorant but stupid to the core..

believing that only you are right 

just because you are 'educated' in that sense..

if there are more people like you around,

no doubt that another May 13 could happen..

is it right for you to criticise people's faith and belief?

telling people that their holy book is altered according to our wants..

that people's faith is not as divine as yours?

i bet if this happen to you,

when people criticise your faith in your face

there would be a havoc..!!

it could also be the news headline for tomorrow's paper..

it is just so sad to see such people..

it's the 21st century for goodness sake!!

why are you still living in the well??!!

ignorant to the core of other people around you!!

you might be more knowledgeable

but that does not mean you could criticise people 

for their own choice..

is it wrong if one choose to be a vegetarian?

it is their body and mouth..

don't they have a say on what they want to do??

do i need you to tell me that i HAVE to eat what i do not want??

though i'm angry and frustrated with you..

i chose not to say anything..

cause i chose not to stoop as low as you..

i don't want to degrade myself to your level of stupidity and ignorance..

my faith and belief is not for you to judge..

it is between my God and me..

who are you to decide that my God is not the Most High??

115. a teacher (to be)

it feels so good 

to be in the house of the Lord..

so much of love, encouragement and joy..

they are what i need all these while..

the work of the darkness is in progress..

all the time..

and it took this seminar to wake me up..again...

to realise how i've forgotten His promises..

******

the message today..

teacher plays a very significant part in a student's life..

the testimony of how

a teacher who imparts love

impacted the life of a naughty boy

who is now a pastor..

wouldn't it be the greatest award and achievement 

when you know that as a teacher

you have touched the life of someone..

someone who might have been regarded by others as

stupid, hopeless, rubbish..?

******

this is my calling for now..

as a future teacher..

things might change in the future..

who knows what is prepared for me..

even though things are not easy now..

but i'm sure there's reasons 

as to why i was even sent here..

a place i've never thought i would be in..

in a year,

i would have graduated..

and be an official teacher in schools..

but somehow

 i still don't quite see myself as one..

i'm not prepared..

i have so many doubts in me..

how am i going to handle my class and students??

where will i be posted??

in rural areas far from home??

or in the comfort zone near my hometown??

it's kind of scary..

going to school for real soon

with so many doubts in me..

and all i can do is to trust the One..

for He knows what is best for me

for He has planned every detail of my life 

even when i was still in the womb..

but

trusting and committing everything is

much easier said than done though..

sorry Lord for i doubt too much..

that i try to take things into my own control..

and forgetting that You are the one who is in control 

of EVERYTHING!!

please help me deal with these doubts, O Lord..